Change

Rain was recent.

Steam rises from the asphalt in its aftermath, coaxed out by the summer sun. I can feel the heat through the soles of my shoes as I step out of my car and walk into work.

Summer has passed me by.

August is nearly to its half-way point, and I have worked so much that nothing else stands out. I hung out with some people a couple times, went to the pool once, got a new tattoo–but aside from that, I’ve just been working, working, working.

Summer doesn’t seem to mean as much outside of school. As a graduate, it’s just another season I have a job. Another season I spend most of my days at a hotel’s front desk, dealing with customers, smiling through exhaustion.

I get a couple days off here and there, but most of them are spent running errands I couldn’t do while working–getting my car inspected, getting new tires, looking at apartments, cleaning up my room and cleaning out my car.

I can’t remember the last time I had a day to myself–no errands, no rushing, nowhere pressing to go and nothing pressing to do. I can’t remember the last Friday I had off where I didn’t spend it buying groceries and driving back out to the town where I work to run errands. I can’t remember the last Monday I had off where I didn’t have to wake up early for some appointment scheduled on the only day I wasn’t working that week.

Summer has passed me by.

But I am fickle with my seasonal longing.

Already I am tired of summer, tired of shaving my legs and wearing short shorts and listening to my Summer Vibes playlist on Spotify. I long for my Autumn and Winter playlists, for boots and scarves and my black trench coat, for cozy sweaters and leaves crunching beneath my feet. I long for the days where I come into work and shrug off layers, where I leave bundled up and turning on the heat in my car instead of dealing with AC and sun-hot seatbelts.

Summer did nothing for me this year.

Though I longed for it, wrote multiple blog posts about it, little happened and little stood out. I enjoyed the heat and sunlight for a few weeks, enjoyed sitting poolside and reading the the one time I managed to do so on a day off, but after that, I started to get frustrated with always needing sunglasses and sitting in hot cars while my makeup ran.

Big changes are coming in my life just as the seasons turn. The decisions have already been made, the playing field set–I just need to incite the change.

I can do this.

I can do this.

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